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jes
07 July 2008 @ 05:32 pm
i guess i'm tired of not posting.

i've been missing out on so much because of my computer crapping out. i had to go back to my older one that sucks more than i remember, and the wireless card is half broken. so i only get internet when i'm lucky, which is also less often than i seem to remember.

home again, home again. it was nice to get away for a week and see all the people i never get to see. disney hasn't changed since last time, though i have.

giant pocky, and yes it is quite huge.

reading some fic again, which is nice. i hardly realized how much i missed it.

listening to some music that should not be as addicting as it is. everyone is looking at me weird for it, but i don't care, i don't.

there's this one song that makes me feel guilty and i can't stop listening to it, can't stop torturing myself. i think i might deserve it.
 
 
Current Mood: restlessrestless
Current Music: umbrella; all time low.
 
 
jes
10 April 2008 @ 08:07 pm
quick, I have an emergency. does anyone have an mp3 of The Piano Knows Something I Don't Know? it's the only song I don't have and I have no means of downloading it myself.
 
 
Current Music: Behind the Sea; Panic at the Disco.
 
 
jes
09 April 2008 @ 09:15 pm
been messing around with livejournal all day. fixing layouts, getting things all nice and prettied up. except of course for this journal. i'll get to it tomorrow or something. i've been meaning to do so many things lately and i always end up just sitting around on my dad's computer doing nothing but avoid what i have to do. and now my dad is home, so i have to get off the computer.
 
 
Current Music: It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Death Wish; My Chemical Romance.
 
 
jes
03 April 2008 @ 07:46 pm
a wish; gregory and the hawk.

I wish to feel smaller
under your sheets.
I wish for the whole truth
every time you speak.
I’m thinking about how you care half as much for me
while I watch you arrive, smoke cigarettes, sleep...


and I guess it doesn’t matter what I say or what I seem
you stuck what I felt for you in the pocket of your jeans
ignoring me the morning after
isn’t enough
and I swear I’m gonna cry.
I’m sick of trying to be tough.

and my blood won’t stick
to the confines of my veins.
and your heart
is gonna tear mine away.

and I wish to feel smaller under your hands,
though you seem satisfied as you slip mine
down your pants.
and I’m thinking about how you care half as much for me
while you lift up my shirt after asking politely.

and I guess it doesn’t matter what I am or pretend to be
cause it’s her you’ll always love and it’s her I’ll always envy.
I want to end this now so dreams of you won’t keep me up.

but I swear I’m gonna cry.
I’m sick of trying to be tough.

and my blood won’t stick
to the confines of my veins.
and your heart
is gonna tear mine away.

and it’s hard to find
what I want
when it’s buried beneath the biggest rock.
I could pay lots of money
to help lift it with machines
but I’m not sure you’d cooperate.
not sure you’d come clean.

and I wish to feel smaller
under your sheets.
I wish for the whole truth
every time you speak.
and I’m thinking about how you care half as much for me
as I watch you arrive, smoke cigarettes, sleep.

and I guess it doesn’t matter what I say or what I seem
you stuck what I felt for you in the pocket of your jeans.

ignoring me the morning after isn’t enough
and I swear I’m going to cry.
I’m sick of trying to be tough.

yeah, I swear I’m gonna cry.
I’m sick of trying to be tough.

and my blood won’t stick
to the confines of my veins.
and your heart
is gonna tear mine away.

is gonna tear mine away.
 
 
Current Mood: irateirate
 
 
jes
02 April 2008 @ 03:57 pm
ink bleeding from my fingertips,
dripping words on my paper skin,
spilling my veins out, phrase by phrase.

Haven't been writing in a while. This is the first thing I've come up with that sounds not so shitty to me.

City of Ashes was wonderful, but I don't like the idea of waiting a year for the next book to come out. Especially with that fucking cliffhanger. Ugh.

I'm at the point where I don't even know what to say anymore, if I should say anything at all. No one seems to be listening, and if they are I feel as if it's out of pity. Stupid fucking drama shit needs to end.

There's only a moment I truly regret, and I'm sorry I didn't have the sense to say what I was thinking.

Blah blah whine whine whine. I'm tired of this.
 
 
Current Music: One Day, Robots Will Cry; Cobra Starship.
 
 
 
jes
18 March 2008 @ 04:33 pm
I go bizarre for FBR. (and certain California girls that make me feel lovely inside.) ♥
 
 
Current Mood: excitedexcited
 
 
jes
04 March 2008 @ 07:58 pm
my heart, it's exploding. i haven't been on the internet for like three days, and when i come back the first thing i hear is fall out boy singing michael jackson. <333333333 oh boys, how do you make me smile so much.
 
 
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
Current Music: Beat It; Fall Out Boy feat. John Mayer.
 
 
jes
21 February 2008 @ 11:55 pm
I have a new layout, omg! I love it, it took me forever to make. ugh, the coding for LJ is such a bitch, it took me hours to get used to. but whatever, it looks awesome. at least I think so. >.>
 
 
Current Music: Classifieds; The Academy Is...
 
 
jes
19 February 2008 @ 11:49 pm
I suddenly decided that I wanted to listen to Almost Here on repeat. XD brings back memories of first listening to this album, which is surprising because I had no idea it had been so long and things had changed so much since. my brain has also decided that lots and lots of angsty bill/tom fic needs to be written like um. now. (the lyrics, you guys. the lyrics, they're fucking begging for it.) which is really not working out with me, because I have millions of other things I want to write (like spencer/jon! omg, the spencer/jon.) and tons of school work, and cleaning my room yet again, and making time for my friends, and jfkldsjfl. ugh. I hate my brain, fr srs. speaking of, I also hate my stomach. because it has no idea wtf it's doing. I feel super hungry all the time, and then when I try to eat it's all like "um no wtf are you doing you're not hungry." so I end up barely eating at all. D: I also hate how I just had an awesome idea for this adorable spencer/jon and my brain is all like "YAY OMG let's write this -- oh god, wait. I have to sleep. now. FUCK FIC." D: HATEHATEHATE.

that is all.
 
 
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Skeptics and True Believers; The Academy Is...
 
 
jes
10 February 2008 @ 12:35 am
tagged by hikarinotabi to list seven facts.

1. I talk to myself constantly, and it takes control for me to not do it in front of other people.
2. I feel naked when I don't wear a hoodie.
3. My hair never does what I want it to do, and I'm never happy with it.
4. I can't stop biting my nails, no matter how hard I try.
5. I feel like a different person when I'm around other people, I'm completely different on my own.
6. For the past six months or so, I can't stand looking in the mirror. I don't have a reason why.
7. I have too many clothes, but I can never find anything I want to wear.

I'm too lazy to tag other people, and there's no one I really wanna hear from. :P
 
 
Current Mood: lonelylonely
Current Music: Kiss My Sass; Cobra Starship.